TORONTO, ONTARIO

My world before Christ was extremely dark.

Wherever I looked, whenever I was trying to find some hope, there really wasn’t any.

I started to drink a lot and do some drugs—and the alcohol seemed to help me get through my day. It just got to the point where I decided the only peace I would know is if I killed myself.

I said to God, “If you are there, you’ve got a week and I’m checking out, because I just can’t do this anymore. And, within a week, he sent my husband into my life—well, he wasn’t my husband at the time, but he came in and he really helped hold me together while I was crying all the time.

The last place I wanted to go was church.

At that time, my view towards  God and Christians was about as black as my life.

I hated God, and I hated the church, and I hated Christians, and I really didn’t want anything to do with them.

I mocked them, I laughed at them, I told them what a joke they were. And, the amazing thing is, none of them ever fought back.

And that’s what started to seep into my hard heart and into my life—to think, they’re different.

My husband and I had three boys.

My mother-in-law kept pushing us to take them to church, and I said, churches don’t make any difference in anybody’s life, so why should  take them there?

And she kept saying, well it helps build character, and that was her line.

So we ended up taking them to The Peoples Church, and it was very intimidating to walk through the door. Everyone looked so together, and I was like, oh man, if they knew my life.

John Hull was preaching about heaven and hell, and as he was talking about hell, I was convicted. That is where I was going.

He said, if you want, just bow your heads wherever you are, and to pray this prayer to accept Christ as your Savior. And that’s what I did. On January 14, 1996, I accepted Christ.

I started serving two years ago with the correspondence Bible studies and I’m now the leader of that. Four months ago I took over the leadership of that role. I love it totally. I have a group of ladies and a man who helps us out. I’m a group facilitator for Stephen Ministry. I really like what we do and it’s helping people going through crisis. It’s wonderful to see God work in the lives of people. My experiences prepared me to serve because I never thought I would give God thanks for the pain in my life. I’m very grateful for that because each time someone comes to me and is hurting and is going through a traumatic time or going through anger, I was there. It was such a wide range of suffering when I was younger that there are very few people who can come to me and I can’t relate.

There’s hope. Don’t give up.

Because had I killed myself. I would not have had there sons that I love dearly. I would never have been married. I would never have experienced the multitude of joys that I’ve had. So even if at that moment I thought, there was no hope, I realize later, that’s actually a lie from satan. Because there is hope out there. There is a God who is willing to give hope if you accept Christ as your Lord and Saviour.